|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|||||||
|
||||||||||
Mutant Banananananas
Posted to %afda by pieceoftheuniverse on 15th August 2000
Not exactly cooking, but I needed a bit of padding ;)Caleb:
> > > I was about to comply, when I just now realized that my bananas from
> > > last week are about 90% brown, and 13% yellow. I guess I'll have to
> > > wait until after my next trip to the grocery store.
Wikkit:
> > Wow, 103% banana. You could probably make some money off that.
Caleb:
> Not anymore I can't. They turned 103% brown, and 50%+ mush - at least,
> the two that were left from that bunch. So they ended up deposited in
> my local trash bag.
Great. So now you've doomed us all.
I don't know what you were thinking. You have a 153%+ banana, where it was only 103% before. Your bananas are growing at an exponential rate! Soon they'll encompass the entire trash can, and the poor sanitation engineers will buckle their knees under the load -- or, more realistically, leave it there because (as anyone knows) 246% banana is just too damn heavy.
Soon, the banana will leave the confines of the trash can, and begin to take up what it deems to be its portion of the street. Random passerby will mistake it for an ugly car -- most likely a Volvo -- until they get close enough to witness its smell first-hand. At which point they'll collapse, and eventually become absorbed as the banana continues to grow.
By the end of the week, your house will be half-crushed by a 1973% banana. You'll have to move out, and watch helplessly as the brown mass collapses your house. By this time whatever passes as the National Guard will come by and attempt to raze it, but it's already too late. The banana, angry now, will just roll over, crushing them all.
By the end of the year, the banana will have taken over a good portion of the world. Aliens for miles around will come by to see the brown mulch that used to be the Earth, and the more daring will die a horribly squishy death when they get too close.
Thanks a lot.
---
pieceoftheuniverse - it's not too late! Throw your 153%+ banana into the garbage disposal, and grind it to mush before it can grow again!
