The Evil Bookstore
Posted to %afda by Lloyd on 30th July 1999
An evil bookstore. That's an intriguing idea (at least to me).
* He's only ever written one (and even that's debatable), it just gets re-released every now and then with a different title.
- All the whodunnits would have the last pages missing.
- All the series of books (you know "Parts 1,2,3... of the Mystic Elf saga", that sort of thing) would be missing the first, last and indeterminate middle volumes.
- No DNA books at all
- Shelves upon shelves upon shelves of John Grisham's book*
- The kiddies books would actually be mind controlling texts that turn children into the Hitler Youth.
- All of the cookery books would have recipes that are either toxic, explosive or completely impossible to perform.
- All the books are indexed A - Z by 2nd letter of 13th word on page 67.
- An undetermined number of random books will have their covers swapped around so that, for example, a Steven King cover might contain Enid Blyton content.
- The self-help books would be pathelogically dangerous ("If you're feeling stressed and tired at the end of a hard day, why not take a tepid bath with some added bleach and a plugged in toaster?")
- The free bookmarks given away with purchases dissolve when put in contact with paper and so lose the position that you're up to in the book.
- No paperbacks, only hardcover featuring lead lining for that extra weight and unease of use.
- None of the classification sections (travel, biographies, thrillers, etc) stay in the same position in the store from one week to the next.
- "You touch it, you bought it" policy.