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News ones at the end!
Posted early August, and late September 2000


Arcum started it all:

I got bored at work
Started writing some haikus
And here they are now:

Yellow bulldozers
Frolic in the drying mud
Arthur's home is gone

Hitchhike off planet
Caught in hold, forced to hear
Vogon Poetry

Zaphod Beeblebrox
Ex-galactic president
Steals the heart of gold

Metal man Marvin
The Paranoid Android
Depression within

You are calling me
Brain the size of a planet
To pick up this paper?

Magrathea found
Arthur meets Slartibartfast
Ford explores within

The planet Earth gone
All the mice were furious
The Earth Mark II

Under an attack
The heart of gold remains still
Contemplating tea

The froup grows restless
Hands wave in assorted ways
A cascade is near

Entering data
For people who are on leave
Seasons change; look anew

Ben condensed the HHGG "trilogy":

Arthur Dent leaves Earth.
A whole bunch of stuff happens.
Earth goes boom, again.

Orion reckons these aren't real haikus:

I see no zinc there
Are you sure it is correct?
We must be careful.

Arcum again, from an *ntir*ly diff*r*nt thr*ad:

Lost non-consonant
A difficult task to try
Haiku sans that sound

Orion again, in a strange mood:

Left alone at home
He sings a zinc song out loud
Madness invades him

Turn left at the cow
that is not tied to the pole
that used to be there?

. . . and being a smartass:

Given that rust is
just rapid oxidation,
does oxygen rust?

Cerine, being silly:

Rust is not rapid
oxidation. Hindenburg
burning is rapid.

Oxygen rusts if
rust is ironization
not oxidation.

Caleb, with a not-quite-so-condensed version of HHGG:

Dent has to leave Earth.
Vogons bad, Zaphod steals ship,

Monkeys do Shakespeare.
Magrathea below, whale appears,
Petunia questions.

Mice run everything,
Dolphins smarter than humans.
Answer Forty-two.

Marvin is Depressed.
Talks to ship and then
Suicide ensues.

Many things go boom
Zaphod seances Grandpa
Nonsense runs rampant.

Almost, but not quite,
Entirely unlike tea.
Arthur tries again.

All are off to see,
The man who runs everything.
Snack, anybody?

Since all are hungry,
The Restaurant at the End
Of the Universe.

Arcum again, pestering me:

Yay! Some more haiku.
Could you add them to the page,
iain, sometime soon?

. . . and condensing some of LTUAE:

Boy-being meets girl-being
Beneath the silvery moon.
BOOM! It then explodes.

Damp, cold, and smelly
a cave found in Islington
shout: "I will go mad!"

Talking to elm trees
Chasing a sofa across
Prehistoric Earth.

A beard with a bone.
Appearing in St John's Wood.
Time to play Kricket?

Wind blowing across
The universe is myself.

Around in circles
Marvin trudges in the swamp
Talks to a mattress

Also from Arcum:

Anyone notice that the quote

"Do not be alarmed.
Be very very frightened,
Arthur Dent."

is only two syllables short of a haiku?
And Arthur's middle name is Philip . . .

If you want to start concocting conspiracy theories from this, consider also the post Douglas Adams made in the Info Forum of his website, where he said (not seriously, I might add):

In my post I mentioned a 'story' I'd been working on for a while.
. . .
It is in fact a palindromic haiku, a new literary form of fiendish difficulty which I have been labouring on for over fifteen years, and I've only got three syllables left to complete. Hope that helps.

Posted 13th May 2001, following DNA's death


sitting in Deep Thought
towels holding many tears
what is 6 X 9?

Vesa Ahola:

We apologize
For the inconvenience
Now for the last time


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