Happy Nubby Socks
Posted to %afda on and after 3rd December 1999
A Happy Nubby Sock, modelled by Kasakta
But my favorite are my new nubby socks.
They make my toes oh so happy!!
then Orion asked:
Are those anything like slipper socks?
so Kasatka replied:
No, they're regular socks, just that.. um.. hmm.. How to explain this..
Like the cotton, when stretched out into a thread, was not done so evenly. Some have wide nubby bits. These wide nubby bits are SO very happy.
but then Meg remarked:
THEY are happy? I find that hard to believe.
so Kasatka said:
Do you? Let me tell you a story then. A story about nubby socks.
In the mists of Squornshellous Zeta, you will find many low lying bushes. These bushes grow in abundance - sometimes as far as the eye can see, and sometimes as far as the eye can't see as well. Of course, this being an infinately large universe where most things one could imagine (and a lot of things that one would rather not imagine) can grow, these smallish bushes are the home to - nubby socks.
Yes, here on Squornshellous Zeta, beside the swamps where matresses flollop, many small bushes grow, and on them, nubby socks.
Now the young nubby socks are quite cute, always so nubbily happy. In the day, they frolic through the swamps with their large matress friends, playing all sorts of matressy games. And in the night, they will curl up beside the matresses as a gesture of their friendly companionship.
Unfortunately, this story takes a sad turn. For these oh so happy socks live only rather short lives on Squornshellous Zeta. Those who slaughter the matresses grew tired of beating off the happy socks that only wanted to frolic and begin to slaughter the nubby things as well, eventually finding a huge market for them. This is why for every matress on our little rock in space you can find at least fifteen pairs of socks.
However, a good sock never really dies, and, if you treat your socks well, they will be happy, especially if they are kept close to all things matressy. And this is why you will constantly find your socks under your bed, as they will want to curl up with your matress, relishing the memories of the days when they were young and sloshily frolicking through the swamps.
This is also why, if you do not treat your socks well, they will leave in that great teleporter known as the dryer, off to seek a new life where they will be loved.
Socks like to be happy.
Is it so hard to believe now, Meg?
then Kasatka answered Meg's questions:
> Well, I DID mysteriously find a sock in my bed one time... But I have two questions:
> 1) Do they get lonely if their partner leaves and they don't?
Well, socks don't exactly have "partners." People do that on their own as they sort them. Socks from the same bushes basically look the same and all a nd people like to pair them up. They may feel somewhat unhappy at not having a bush-mate with them, but they generally get along well with other socks. So no great loss.
> 2) Are they all named the same thing? And if so, what?
Yep! They are! It seems to be a tradition on Squornshellous Zeta. And they're all named Vaghn. =)
And finally, Lariel had this to add regarding Kasatka's first answer
I think it's quite obvious that they have an instinct that commands them to leave their bush and bushmates as soon and as far as possible. To spread their genetic material,maybe?
That's why they seperate as soon as there's an opportunity, even though they're not exactly mobile.
 Do socks have something like that? Does that mean that all the lost socks are trying to grow into new bushes everywhere? And failing because this isn't Squornshellous Zeta? Shouldn't that be considered sock abduction? I think it's cruel...
 Hmm... Come to think of it, I've never seen one move on it's own. Maybe their migrations work by mindcontrolling humans into putting them somewhere else... Is there a more suitable host on Squornshellous Zeta?
Happy Nubby Socks, modelled by Norman the Pot Plant