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HHGG meets The Matrix
Posted to %afda by pieceoftheuniverse on 16 October 2000
Arcum Dagsson didn't know what he was staring when he said:
> Unfortunately, now I have this mental image of the cast of Matrix all recast in
> HHG. Fortunately, I've only seen it once, so can't complete that mental image...
Well, if no one else is going to do it, I might as well:
[Scene: blackness. Then, out of the void spirals the message, complete with voice-over]
COMING IN 2005:
[That fades away just before it burns on the retinas or the eardrums. Then, in true Hollywood style, "stone" words crash together from opposite sides of the screen, and the voice booms]
Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy!!
[The "stone" now morphs into large red friendly letters scripted onto a black surface, with the words "Don't Panic" written in smaller, but still fairly large, red letters off to the side. The camera pans back, revealing a smallish black leather cover, out of which slips a nice "technologically advanced" mechanism with a screen and several buttons on the side. The screen flips on, and more words appear as the camera heads towards the Guide, and is eventually enveloped by it]
WITH:
Keanu Reeves AS Arthur Dent!
[Scene changes to Keanu in a bath towel and slippers, lying in the mud. Hugo Weaving stands menacingly over him]
Prosser: "Have you any idea how much damage that bulldozer would suffer if I just let it roll straight over you?"
Dent: "How much?"
Prosser: "None at all."
Dent: "Dude!"
AND:
Carrie-Anne Moss1 AS Trillian!
[Scene changes to Moss fighting off the mice on Magrathea. She seems to be fending off several henchmen as well, and the men cower behind her. She picks up a Kill-O-Zap rifle and points it at Benji Mouse's head]
"Dodge this."
BLAM!
Lawrence Fishburne III2 AS Ford Prefect!
[Scene changes to Fishburne in a black trenchcoat, all leather, talking to Keanu in a bar.]
Prefect: "How would you react if I said that I'm not from Guildford after all, but from a small planet somewhere in the vicinity of Betelgeuse?"
Dent: (shrugs) "I dunno. Why -- do you think it's the sort of thing you're likely to say?"
Prefect: "Drink up. The world's about to end."
Dent: "Dude." (drinks)
Joe Pantoliano3 AS The Vogon Captain!
[Scene changes to a darkly green and sinister Vogon with a goatee, watching with undisguised glee at Keanu and Fishburne struggling in Poetry-Appreciation Chairs]
Vogon: "Now, Earthlings; tell me how good you thought my poem was."
Dent: "Most excellent!"
Matt Doran4 AND Matt Doran AS Zaphod Beeblebrox!
[Scene changes to on board the Heart of Gold, with Doran "talking" to Moss]
Trillian: "Take your hand off my leg. And the other one. And the other one."
Beeblebrox: (goofy grin) "I ... I grew that one special. Just for you, ya know?"
Catch the ACTION!!
[Yet another scene change, to Keanu descending a dark staircase with a torch. A sign is lit up: BEWARE OF THE LEOPARD]
Dent: "Dude."
Catch the EXCITEMENT!!
[Back on board the Heart of Gold, or rather just outside of it. Clear in the distance behind it are two silver darts which are climbing through the atmosphere towards the ship. A quick change of magnification brings them into close focus: two massively real rockets thundering through the sky. We can hear the voices from the ship]
Prefect: "I think they're going to have a very good try at applying to us."
Beeblebrox: "Hey, this is terrific! Someone down there is trying to kill us!"
Dent: "Whoa."
Beeblebrox: "But don't you see what this means?"
Dent: "Dude, we're gonna die."
Beeblebrox: "Yes, but apart from that."
Dent: -Apart- from that?"
Beeblebrox: "It means we must be on to something!"
Catch the END OF IT ALL!!
[Yet another shot on board the Heart of Gold -- the producers must want their money's worth for these sets. Matt Doran comes into Keanu's room]
Beeblebrox: "Hey Earthman? You hungry, kid?
Dent: "Dude."
Beeblebrox: "Hold tight. We'll take in a quick bite at the Restaurant at the End of the Universe."
[Fade to black, and then large moderately friendly letters edge their way onto the screen]
COMING SUMMER 2005.
[Screen switches off.]
--
pieceoftheuniverse - now stuck with an image of Lawrence Fishburne III taking on the Vogons single-handed. Just can't imagine him letting them shove him out an airlock...
1) a.k.a. Trinity
2) a.k.a. Morpheus
3) a.k.a. Cypher
4) a.k.a. Mouse5
5) Yes, I thought of casting him as one of the mice, but that just wouldn't work, you know?