A Guide to Kool-Aid For Non-Americans
Posted by Caleb on 13 August 2000
> What is this "Kool-Aid" stuff you merkins keep yammering on about?
Kool-Aid: A corporate brand name for colored sugar water, with a small modicum of flavor included. This wonderful liquid, which all kids enjoy (probaby due to the sugar) from approximately age 3 and up. All parents quickly learn to limit their children's intake of such (again, probably due to the sugar) when their children start acting like pinballs - or at least, more like pinballs than they did before drinking this substance. Teh actual mix of Kool-Aid usually comes in tiny packets, about teh size of a playing card, and about thrice as thick. On teh front of this packet is generally a cartoon pitcher with a red substance, presumably this same Kool-Aid, in it, and also with arms, legs, and a face, which is how I eventually decided it was a cartoon character. On teh back is nutritional information, which generally consists of a lot of zeros except in the category of sugar content. Also on the back of teh package are instructions for making Kool-Aid from such a little package. They run, roughly, "Add contents of packet to pitcher, 1 cup sugar (more or less to taste), and water. Makes 2 quarts." Children making Kool-Aid, of course, generally increase the sugar to taste - that is, about 2-3 cups. Adults with children generally try to keep the sugar to a minimum, which is somewhere around .5-.75 cups. Those of us in neither category (technically, I'm not a child anymore) know that teh best amount of sugar is just under a cup, unless you are planning on drinking this while studying for finals, in which case 2-3 cups is a low number, and teh result usually looks more like colored sugar sludge than colored sugar water.
That is Kool-Aid.
And some extra information, posted by pieceoftheuniverse on 14 August 2000Caleb wrote:
> And as long as we are talking about colors and flavors, how many other
> froupies refer to Kool-Aid flavors by the colors they are, instead of
> the actual flavors? Red (strawberry or cherry, depending), Purple
> (grape), Green (lemon-lime), Yellow (lemonade)...
Well, of course. The "flavours" are purely arbitrary. Kool-Aid has to be the only company known to man to actually isolate the flavors associated with colors without linking them to any sort of real fruit at all, despite their connotations. Has anyone ever taken a sip of Kool-Aid and said to themselves "Hmmm ... grape"? No, of course not. It's always been, "Hmmm ... needs more sugar." That's all it is, sugar-water with dye. Natural fruit juice does not coat your teeth with its color, nor does it turn your tongue into a rainbow. Kool-Aid's just colored water giving you an excuse to drink sugar. That's why kids love it.
--- pieceoftheuniverse - calling it fruit was probably the only way to get it past parents. Any fruit-flavour you may think you taste is just the stimulation of a deranged mind...
See also Kool Aide - The Helpful Soft Drink